Friday, July 01, 2005

If FDR Had Been Republican

Dateline: Hawaii, April 28, 1945.

Well into the third week of the invasion of Okinawa, congressional Democrats criticized the President for poor planning and execution of the invasion.

"The troops are bogged down in the southern part of the island, we haven't made any progress in days. How could this have happened?" said Theodore Kennedy, Mass. Democrat.

Other Democrats questioned the reasoning behind the decision to attack the island in the first place. "It makes no sense to attack this island, everyone knows the Japanese are on the mainland," said one congressional staffer. "The War in Okinawa has turned into a quagmire. We need to get the troops out and turn out attention to what's really important, like finding Tojo."

Democrats expressed their alarm at the magnitude of American casualty figures. "This is completely crazy," said one. "We are losing thousands in one day."

Other Democrats expressed doubt about the likelihood of winning against such an intractable and fanatical foe. "This war is unwinnable. We've lost dozens of ships to suicide rocket-bomb pilots, we can't possibly continue at this pace."

Some even insisted that the President had lied about the reasons for the invasion. "He said that we needed that island as a launching point for air attacks on the Japanese mainland, but we are already attacking the mainland from other air bases."

Meanwhile, reports of prisoner abuse continue to crop up from interviews of Japanese prisoners of war. "It is well known throughout the Japanese Empire that American soldiers rape and kill their women prisoners and eat the livers of Japanese children," a Red Cross representative reported.

In a related matter, for the forth week in a row Democrats demanded hearings into overcharging of the Government by Boeing for high altitude bombers. "Everone knows this war is nothing more that a scheme to enrich the President's friends," said an unnamed source.

Democrats also renewed their demands for disclosure regarding the super secret Manhatten Project. "Hundreds of millions of dollars have gone into a secret military project that we aren't even allowed to examine. As far as we can tell not one dime of that money has gone to anything practical for the war effort."